" We can stay here and get the shit kicked out of us, or we can climb back into the light. We can climb out of hell...one inch at a time."
I read this quote recently and it really struck a chord with me. I certainly have had the shit kicked out of me with bipolar disorder.
To this day, I still can can't fully explain how I climbed of my "hell". I guess I was trapped in mind. After I got out of the hospital, life wasn't all sunshine and roses. I started gaining weight from the meds, I got dumped my boyfriend at the (convenient that left when the going got tough - he even didn't have the balls to do it in person), and I was still in the middle of a major depressive episode. I withdrew myself from the world and basically made my very own personal hell.
So how did I move on? How did I dig myself out? I think that I realized that it is hard living - life is hard, so how do I make it easier on myself? I chose to be happy. Everyday hurt and I was struggling, but I was determined to find something everyday to find joy in. I started to swim again (even though I embarrassed to wear that swim suit again). I started running and started riding my bike again. I started talking to people again even though I had severe anxiety about doing it. Slowly but surely, the days started getting better. My mind was no longer my prison.
I still have those moments, but I can realize it now. Today, I am happier than I have been in a very long time. I find that spreading my story and documenting my journey in this blog is therapeutic. I don't want people to remember as the bipolar girl - I want to be remembered about how I fought it and how I helped the mental health community.
I recently started toying with the idea of forming an online community or maybe one day having my own non-profit. I am in the process of formulating ideas for a facebook page, but I don't know what to call it (ideas are welcome).
Today is a shorter blog and since I started with a quote I will end the with one:
"Live your life with passion - with some drive. Decide that you are going to push yourself. The last chapter of your life has not been written yet, and it doesn't matter about what happened yesterday. It doesn't matter what happens to you; what matter is, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?