I don't want to dwell on the sad. If there is one positive takeaway from this, it's that life isn't guaranteed, so make the most of it now. As much as I want to just sit down and mope, I can't. I still love life. I am still happy with my life, I'm just missing a big part of it now. In true Lani fashion, I have decided to come out guns blazing in getting back on track. See picture below.
While the process has been hard and an adjustment (who are we kidding, my life got turned upside down), I have been making progress to getting back to normal. I'm back to workouts, but that has always been an escape so it has been easy getting back on a schedule. I've made some big goals to focus on for next year. Sorry mom, more grandbabies are going to have to wait - one major life change was enough for now. I'm excited to get back to Ironman racing next year. I kept this year lighter since I didn't know what was going to happen with my dad and my body was tired from 4 straight years of it. It's been great getting out to workout with friends again and just getting back outside.
We love bikes.
I think the hardest part has been going back to work. It's a sense of normalcy that I am not ready for. Also, since the grief isn't linear, getting emotional at work has been unavoidable. Luckily I have my own office, so I can just shut the door if need be. I am very grateful that people have understood that my mind is scattered and I may not be able to do something one day, but be ok the next day. Hell, today I was just excited to get a document to tech edit. As long as I keep making forward progress, the anxiety of being at work continues to lessen.
Lastly, I just want to thank all of you. The support has been great and I love know dad was respected and that many people cared about him. It makes me (and my family) feel not so alone in all this mess. And finally, just remember - WTFWJSD.
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